The eleven plus and special educational needs can be a bit of a minefield. With our oldest he should have got into a certain school but on the day did not do as well on the eleven plus tests as we expected for his capabilities. He had no provisions made for his Asperger’s Syndrome (I have since heard of others having a separate room and longer time), not even to become more familiar with the building.
But he was always a very able child and “grammar school material” and we knew that the eleven plus would put no added pressure on him. But the time is getting closer that The Sensory Seeker needs to think about high school and he assumes that he will take the eleven plus following in the footsteps of (what will be) all three of his older brothers. The trouble is he has a Global Developmental Delay and his Sensory Processing Disorder also makes it harder to learn new things. So the question is what to do?
Do we let our son with Special Needs take the Eleven Plus?
Do we let The Sensory Seeker sit the eleven plus tests, in an environment that is most likely going to be difficult for him, so that we have given him the chance and opportunity just like all our other sons? Or do we make the decision that the test/school would not be suitable for him. Which will knock his confidence more – trying and not succeeding, or not been given a chance in the first place? I mean he is a bright lad and he may even surprise us! He has a few years to go yet and may even close the gap and catch up with his peers. He works so hard. Or when the time gets closer he may just be happy to move up to the local comprehensive school – which he is familiar with because of after school activities and will know lots of people there/going up. Oh how it would be wonderful if they never had to grow up!
Of course I have been suggested another option of paying for him to be tutored (which I haven’t done with any of my other sons), but then I really would be worried that the work would be too hard once he passed the eleven plus entrance exam. That then he’d end up switching schools anyway and then find it even harder to settle as the new boy. Other people have suggested this would be just filling the gaps in his knowledge where the education system has failed him.
Has anyone else been through anything similar? Any thoughts please?
Inclusion what do schools think that means? I recently went to The Sensory Seeker’s annual review of his EHCP to find out that his school means that they don’t want him to be different. I guess it is a feeling of once again coming back to rubbish parenting really, as it sounded like that the only thing causing any problems is him being treated in a way not like the others! They said that even with a one-to-one teacher he hasn’t made “extra” progress (just in-line with his peers) and that actually he needs to be encouraged to be more “independent.”
They did not seem to even understand Sensory Processing Disorder (which unfortunately is not a diagnosed condition in the UK) so it is no wonder that they don’t “get” that his one-to-one helps The Sensory Seeker deal with sensory input that may distract him and need his focus brought back. In fact the SENCO and his teaching assistant didn’t seem to think he had ANY sensory needs at school – which I found really surprising. They were thinking about just taking that section out of his EHCP all together. I thought that there was no point in arguing with them after I tried to explain some of his difficulties, because they just said it did not happen. Or well, that time he was hugging someone else all the time was okay because that person wanted him to do it. Of course the good old social stories came up – as obviously if he understood that he couldn’t just go around touching people then that tactile need will just disappear!
His EHCP actually has good guidance in it about his Sensory Issues from the Occupational Therapist, but because they discharged us they no longer come to the meetings. I can’t even really get her involved whilst the school are saying there aren’t any issues either! Luckily his class teacher was able to quickly pop in to the meeting at the time we were just about to move on to the next bit of the EHCP. She was then asked about The Sensory Seeker’s sensory issues (in a tone that he did not have any). But, thankfully, straight away she said that yes he clearly did and came up with an example straight away. In fact, ironically, it was to do with their sensory time where a few children go off to practice writing. She said that music was played to help them feel calm – but actually it stopped The Sensory Seeker from concentrating. That he was able to let her know it was a problem. The SENCO again was immediately in the frame of mind of not wanting him to be “different” so asked what the teacher did to resolve it. The teacher explained that they just turned the music off! That they didn’t *need* it. It is a shame that next year not only isn’t she his class teacher but she is leaving to go on to another school.
We will have to see how things go in year 4 because I am concerned that they are just knocking his confidence by ignoring his sensory needs and treating him no differently – such as setting him the same homework as the others for example. And then when it is not complete (because he has struggled with it so much, or not in the right sensory frame when he has come home) he is then punished (like the other children) by missing break times. I fear that this will then further impact his social skills and relations with his peers -especially as he becomes more aware of things such as being the only child not invited to parties. They have also mixed up the children in his year group and this change has already upset him. Unfortunately he was sick and missed move up day too – so we shall have to see how it goes. It isn’t all bad however, and I am not blaming the school it is because the knowledge just isn’t there. Things I mentioned (such as his inability to use a dictionary as he does not know the alphabet) they tried to help straight away. He seems to have a good relationship with his TA and in our opinion has helped him come on leaps and bounds.
I really do hate the school run because it means interacting with people. When I come home I am actually drained to the point where I have to sleep. I have even started taking antidepressants and fighting off the need to recuperate until the afternoon. But it is no good I can only reset myself with sleep. Then I have to do the school run again. I was put on these tablets fourteen months previously when I went to ask the doctors about a referral for seeing whether I have Asperger’s Syndrome. He told me it didn’t matter and that I could tell people I have if I liked – and wrote out the prescription. Ever since I have just been taking the tablets and paying for repeats. But still nothing is easier.
This morning on the school run a random man who works for the council called me a bully. I asked him what he meant and he laughed and said I had stolen my son’s scooter. I told him it was mine. My son was on his own scooter and mine (adult size too) has flowers on. I don’t get it – was he trying to tell a joke? People always have to comment on my scooter – there’s always something. But it isn’t just my scooter – it’s my clothes and other things too. I get hot really easily and hate to overheat. I was wearing shorts the other day when the sky was grey but it was still really warm. Again always said in this “jokey” way was whether my weather app was wrong! I am sure it was a joke but I can’t help it I just feel the need to explain that I get hot and can’t cope.
The doctor said that it was unlikely I was on the spectrum because I was aware that people treat me this way. That I want to fit in. He said I just haven’t had the right role models – teaching me how I am meant to behave in certain situations. But I thought that social skills were meant to come naturally? He said I could make a list. But I have no energy all the time. Surely someone should just be able to assess me and see. Why does it always have to be proven? I have begun to accept myself whether I have or haven’t got Asperger’s. Explaining to people that I don’t always say the right thing, or do the wrong thing or even get what is expected of me. It is up to them how they behave back towards me then. I do not know what more I can do.
It is that time of year again – Party Season. I know it is hard when a child is different to others to cope with their additional needs at a party – but honestly The Sensory Seeker is doing so well that I would actually say he isn’t much different to the others. I do understand that not everyone needs to be invited to every party but it is hard (probably more for me than him) when he is that child: You know the only child out of the whole class who hasn’t been invited.
Socially Not Fitting in At School
It isn’t even so much about the party it’s about him knowing he’s not fitting in. That it is okay for everyone else to go so why not him as well? The ironic thing today was that he came out with a sheet about worries – the school obviously trying to get disclosures for social services with the use of a Worry Monster.
Ironic because they weren’t very sympathetic to listening to these worries; simply saying there’s nothing we can do. I explained that I knew they couldn’t make him be invited to the party (although I am sure his EHC Plan probably does make provision to ensure that he socialises/fits in with his peers) and that I didn’t like how it was so apparent to him that he was the only one not invited (erm like they had all been handed out in front of him).
They tried to reassure me that they had only been given out at break time. It is real progress that he is getting so smart. Previously he never noticed this happening but still wanted a party to invite everyone to. A blessing and a curse of his development.
His birthday is coming up and we are taking him out of the country instead of a party. However, he wants to have a sleepover a different day this year. He doesn’t really care who it is (well actually his first preference is his 14 year old cousin who doesn’t live near us!). All he wants is just a friend – someone who wants to spend time with him. But again the school will tell me that he does have friends, that he is a happy and likable member of the class – so how come he doesn’t feel that he is/has because he isn’t invited?
Disclaimer: He is invited to the odd party and I am very thankful to those parents. I just wish this wasn’t even a thing. Why invite all but one?!
Friendships. When it comes to friendships it is the one thing I really struggle with. Whether that is because I am actually Autistic or not makes no odds because either way I don’t seem to be able to keep friends. So when my children come home and tell me that they have no friends I really do not have the right words for them. I want to go and make people be friends with them, or tell my kids – fuck them they don’t deserve your friendship anyway. But it is the most painful thing and I know I long for that bond that others seem to have so easily.
The Imaginary Friend
It started when The Sensory Seeker made an imaginary friend – his name is a crossed between Mr Invisible and Mr Invincible (he gets the two mixed up and when I tried to correct him he said, “He’s my friend and so I can call him what I like!” I have never had any imaginary friends in my house before and I am glad that he is able to be creative but I do hope it is not because the school are failing him socially – and I fear that that may be the case.
Why I haven’t Approached the School
I would go in and speak to the school about it but I haven’t for two reasons – the first being that when we go into the playground other children call his name, in a way that seems to be pleased to see him. Plus he hasn’t been sobbing and breaking his heart, he just tells me that no-one plays with him at break time. Oh and because the school don’t really seem to care. No schools seem to be bothered about the social side of my children’s disabilities in my opinion – but maybe that’s because I am one of “those” parents.
Affect on his Sibling
The really heart breaking thing though was, not to hear that no-one wants to play with The Sensory Seeker, but that his confident, well-loved, well-liked older brother confided in me that his close friends no longer want to play with him because of his brother (The Sensory Seeker).
Although I would like to hope this is not true since he told me I have actually stopped to notice what happens in the playground in the morning and there is a shift in the dynamics. I want to be able to tell him how to fix it, how to either get that friendship back on track or deal with it and move on – but I am no good at any of that and really don’t know how. There’s no way I could go and speak to the other children’s parents because it is just one of those things – and you can’t make people be friends.
Part of me hopes it isn’t true, and my children are just trying to get even more attention from me, and actually they are happy and well-liked at school – but my own fears choke me up – and I am just glad they have each other.
Do you have any experience with this? Any tips or advice for me and/or them?
Please note that the photo was taken in the morning before school and he wasn’t actually alone in the playground at playtime – which is also why he looks so happy.
The hardest thing for me during the whole process of switching from a Statement to an EHCP was time – and the fact that I had to think so much about the answers to the questions I had to keep answering what seemed like over and over and over again. I was glad to have a degree when filling in the Family Contribution form and cannot imagine how difficult it must be for some families to do. Luckily I opted to type mine on the computer ,which meant I could just add to it, or draw out relevant bits when asked for the information again by someone new. Also I completely forgot to ask to be referred back to Occupational Therapy in time and so they have not been part of the process.
Experience of The EHCP Meeting
Well I have to say that the meeting itself was not as hard as I thought it would be and I guess it is because no-one mentioned any levels and I already knew that he was behind his peers – so that was not a big shock. I feel that I did not really know or understand what was going on and had to just trust the professionals. In attendance I had the current school SENCo/Head, the new school SENCo, his new TA, The Speech and Language Therapist, The School Advisory Teacher, and the lady from the council.
Adding Sensory Issues to the EHCP
When I asked about adding in his Sensory Issues it became a little awkward as here in the UK there isn’t an official diagnosis for Sensory Processing Disorder. I hadn’t included information from the Occupational Therapist or Paediatrician as their reports were longer than the date – but the lady from the council said she would see if she could include them. In my opinion the other people in the room were a little under-educate in sensory issues. They seemed to think everything could be sorted with some tactile toys (least it is a start I guess). I suppose the problem also lies in the fact that I did not really know what to say as how to include it into the EHCP either.
His Progress
It was good to hear his progress and that he has a good work ethic. He just wants to be like everyone else and tries so hard to obtain it. Fingers crossed he even may have passed his phonics screening this year! There was a lot of emphasis on making sure his transition to his new school goes well and I met his new TA. His old TA will also be moving schools and working as a classroom assistant. It was hard to hear how much me going away affected him and his behaviour – but was good in a way as it highlighted how he needs extra support to deal with changes. It was good to hear that the schools were liaising on the best ways to help him.
I now have to wait for the draft EHCP and then I have a very short period of time to read through it, making any changes needed and send it back. I am feeling hopeful -fingers crossed now.
When The Sensory Seeker was offered a place at a Mainstream school I had many worries. I felt that the best place for him was in a special needs school and that he just would not cope. I wrote the post Starting School Fears with SEN – in which I wrote about my worries and how irrational I thought that they really were. Now the end has come of his time at this school and he has to move on to another Mainstream school so I thought I would come back to that post to explain what happened now he is 7 years old.
Fears when The Sensory Seeker Started School
Will my child eat?
Will my child be able to use the toilet?
Will my child make friends?
Will my child with Sensory Issues keep their clothes on at school?
Will my child struggle getting changed for PE?
Will my child ever hold a pen?
Will the staff in a Mainstream school be supportive of my child’s additional needs
Will my child eat?
Thanks to the introduction of free school meals The Sensory Seeker not only eats at school but he eats better at home too – even trying new foods that he would have never considered before. We can even encourage him to eat foods he would rather not eat (when given an incentive). He has even got much better with his cutlery.
Will my child be able to use the toilet?
At first The Sensory Seeker did wet himself – but now he is doing fine. Yes he uses the toilet completely independently. I think at school he is probably doing better than some other children – as he doesn’t ALWAYS forget to flush and wash his hands! At home we sometimes have trouble with toilet paper, but on the whole he is doing really well. Yesterday my husband told me that our son was even happy to use the urinals (which was a great time saver too!) We still have the odd toilet accident but they are the rare occasion rather than the norm.
Will my child make friends?
Yes The Sensory Seeker has people he considers are his friends, gets invited to the odd party and has a couple of children coming to our house for his birthday. He also goes to groups outside of school time and he has made friends there too. In fact I am really proud of how he has coped in those groups – another sign of how well he is doing independently.
Will my child with Sensory Issues keep their clothes on at school? And Will my child struggle getting changed for PE?
With his sensory issues he often takes his jumper off when it is still cold, or ends up walking down the road topless on the way home, but by and large he is okay and not doing daft clothing stripping in school. The Sensory Seeker is fine at dressing and undressing and has just asked for trainers with laces so that he can try to learn how to do knots (obviously I am doing them up for him but helping to encourage him to pull them undone).
Will my child ever hold a pen?
The Sensory Seeker can now not only hold a pen but is trying to create sentences, recall them and write them down (trying to remember them all is the tricky bit for him right now but the Teaching Advisory Service told me to write his sentence down, cut it up and then let him sequence it. It is hard to believe that it was considered whether he was better off just using an iPad rather than writing.
Will the staff in a Mainstream school be supportive of my child’s additional needs?
Will the staff be supportive – well I could not have asked for more! I think the right attitude from the staff can make so much difference and The Sensory Seeker has come on in leaps and bounds. They are always there for me (to listen to worries no matter how small) and have brought him on from P levels to that of a child securely in the year below!
“I’m just a sheep!” – the line uttered today by The Sensory Seeker. He is anything BUT just anything. It was actually a comical line and just perfect for his well-timed, well-spoken delivery. Seeing him on the centre stage, in front of everyone, performing just like any other child. In fact not even every child could do that, and some did not have any lines. He did so well singing all the songs and the actions too.
To think I was worried about him starting at a mainstream school – and now here his last Christmas play – I wish he never had to leave. The support of the school has been amazing, but I cannot praise my little boy enough. He works so hard, but also gives life his all. He is so happy and tries to please those around him too (even though he does not quite understand that not everyone wants his hugs or kisses all the time!). He is on his 4 times tables – having already mastered his 10s, 5s and 2s and is blending his sounds to read.
This year he has coped with Christmas much easier – now he knows numbers, days and months a bit better. In fact he’s only been tempted twice to open his LEGO advent calendar ahead of the days! As I say, he’s touching people a bit more but generally coping much better (even if he does keep talking about Easter). We have only just put some (Christmas) lights up (the Christmas decorations usually go up before the 1st December). In fact it is only after this first Christmas performance that we have really felt the change (trying to open his door and trying to get out of his seat belt whilst his dad was driving on the motorway). We usually don’t allow computer games until the weekend but we are finding that they are helping to stabilise him (and we are allowing him to play as a reward).
How are you finding the build up to Christmas and do you have any tips on coping?
I thought I would give you a little update on The Sensory Seeker. He turned 6 at the end of April and is currently in year 1 of a Mainstream school. In previous years the topic has come up about him staying back a year and we had decided not to. Well I am (touch wood) pleased to say that this hasn’t come up this year. He is making remarkable progress in all areas and we are so proud of him.
Speech and Language
He has met his target for Speech and Language of talking about what happens next (although the SALT did agree that this is with guidance from his TA). He still keeps calling girls he but now knows that he should be saying she and does correct himself. He needs to work on “why” questions but I am noticing even more that things are very black and white. For example he was asked why was the girl standing on the stool and he was unable to answer the why because he was too busy explaining that she was naughty and shouldn’t be! His reading and amount of words he knows by just looking at them is coming on in leaps and bounds.
I think the second pack of the Alphablocks Reading Programme has helped with this. This set introduces the “letter teams” and blending them in a fun way with activities and games – not forgetting those all-important gold stars to reward him when he gets it right. I feel that books each progress well from each other, and the second set from the first. They are interesting and colourful. I do like the flash cards and think that they are very beneficial for The Sensory Seeker as they are so visual.
Diet, Health & Hygiene
Obviously there was no miracle and he still eats nowhere near as good as his brothers but I can hand on heart say I think that the free school meals provided at school have really helped give him the push to try new things. It is all too easy to give in at home, worrying that your child may starve – but at school there is only the food provided and no other option. He asked for grapes in his cereal this morning and his dad accidentally put milk in the bowl too – BUT he still ate it all.
The Sensory Seeker is regularly using his brown inhaler morning and night, and even reminding me to give it him. We have had far less (toileting) accidents in the day and night – and now even sleeps in his normal pants.
I guess swimming also comes under this section and I am really pleased to say that he is coping well in group swimming lessons now. In fact I do not have to watch him all the time when he has a lesson now and so was really surprised at just how well his swimming ability has come along on our recent holiday.
Maths
Well he is super whizzy at maths and is not only counting but making number bonds up to twenty.
Gross & Fine Motor Development
The Sensory Seeker’s gross motor skills are also coming along well if watching him on his Microscooter is anything to go by! He still needs to develop more of a sense of other people’s space but physically he is able to use his body to move well.
He still isn’t holding a pencil properly but can write legibly with support. Given the option he preferred to use a pencil over the tablet which is great news. We keep on providing him with things to help develop his fine motor development. LEGO is a big favourite in our house and it is everywhere and played with every day at all times. It is the only toy I have all over my house!
Busy Busy Things That Go 2000 Stickers Big, Fast, loud and tough!
There is nothing better than a good sticker activity book to help develop those fine motor skills. This book is just perfect for my little boy with it being packed full of diggers, buses, planes, boats, demolition vehicles, tractors, ambulances, fire engines, trains, scooters and so on. There is a great mix of colouring in, stickers and activities such as mazes, follow the line, spot the difference and observation skills. I love how all the stickers give a lot of free expression and creativity without making any mess.
It was also very beneficial for helping him develop more of a relationship with his older brother (aged 7) as they were both able to share the book, as well as work on it together.
ISBN 978-1-4723-6699-3 £8.00 Parragon Books Ltd
Friendships
The Sensory Seeker seems to get on well with others and has certain people he asks to play with. I am sad to hear him talk about how other children get invited to each other’s houses and he doesn’t but that could have absolutely no relation to his special needs. He is being invited to parties and no-one is nasty to him. The Sensory Seeker does still need help in maintain play going as he can join in but then doesn’t understand properly how to play by other’s rules.
We were sent Busy Busy Things That Go 2000 Stickers Big, Fast, loud and tough! and the Alphablocks Reading Programme free of charge for purposes of review. All words and opinions are my own.
