Category Archives: Education

The journey through the Education system as a parent with children with Special needs, and what I have learnt along the way.

boy wearing glasses in school uniform

Sensory Seeker Back to School during Pandemic and After Home Education

The Sensory Seeker has returned to school after two and a half years of home education. We are still in the middle of a pandemic with many people now choosing to home educate their children with special needs. However, The Sensory Seeker really wanted to go back – this is how the first part week has gone from the perspective of his mother.

The Sensory Seeker and Home Education

To be honest The Sensory Seeker never wanted to leave school and if it wasn’t for his brother he never would have. We had previously made the mistake of moving one child from an educational setting and leaving the other one there. Let’s say that the “adults” didn’t act very grown-up about it! We also discovered that the school weren’t seen to be looking after children with EHCPs very well.

school child with unseen disability

The school had told us he was doing well and was pretty much in-line with his peer group. They said that he didn’t want any help as he wanted to work independently. Then of course there was their attitude that “we are all on the sensory spectrum”. Therefore it came as rather a shock to find that he was not in-line with his peer group in math and English (the subjects they claimed he was) and that he seemed unable to work independently. In fact we were told by tutors that he was broken! His confidence was super low and that they hated to think how badly damaged he would have been if we had not opted to home educate. He was not at all receptive to learning at all.

The Sensory Seeker Returning to School

The return to school happened as he is now old enough for secondary education – which is a big change for everyone. In fact the pandemic probably made The Sensory Seeker’s adjustment easier because other children hadn’t been to school in a while. Plus a lot of the lessons are in the one classroom.

boy in secondary school uniform wearing glasses

He has been back a few days now and it feels very right. The Sensory Seeker is full of confidence and enthusiasm. He has made new friends and isn’t afraid to be himself. If he doesn’t know the answer to something, or wants help, he has been able to easily ask the teaching assistants. Luckily homework is put on an app so we can easily see what needs doing. He has already willingly just got on with homework set when he has got home. He wants to try new things and hasn’t feared the change (like accessing a hot meal from the canteen at lunchtime).

Sensory Issues at Secondary School

Of course he still has sensory issues at school but seems to be just dealing with them by himself. The ones he has mentioned mostly have related to clothing so far. Having to do his top button up, the tie tickling him when he has to tuck it in inside his shirt (he finds tucking it in lower down helps), his rugby shirt is itchy (he is going to try wearing his skins next time to see if that helps). Also his lunch has been all over his clothes so I have to keep cleaning his blazer and tie – but he hasn’t told me that anyone has been mean about it at all.

The School itself

Overall I am really happy with his first week (well he started Tuesday) at school. I have heard a lot of parents praise the SENCO, and she has got a very good reputation. But also the history teacher stopped us one morning to check all was okay. Then a teaching assistant did too – all just whilst we were walking down to queue to get into the school. Fingers crossed this all continues. As a bonus he is learning Spanish which he has already started as part of home education.

Eleven Plus, Special Needs and Home Education

The grammar school entrance exam, or eleven plus as it is also known by, is difficult for any child. Our son has been home educated for a year and a term before taking the eleven plus, and also has an EHCP for his additional needs. Despite not feeling that the test was right for him here is why we let him take it.

test day identity form for grammar school entrance exam

Special Needs and the Eleven Plus

Quite simply, despite his special needs The Sensory Seeker wanted to take the eleven plus. He wanted to prove that he could do it (he was in the school for four hours) and have the same opportunity to go to the grammar schools that his three brothers did before him. He also wanted his special day – as we reward the hard work with special treats on that day. He wanted to earn his reward like his brothers – and not just been given them.

SEN Help with the Eleven Plus

To have extra help in our area you have to provide the school where you wish them to sit the test any additional evidence as to why and what help that should be provided for them to make it a fair test. I seem to recall the turnaround was pretty tight with applying and submitting this. We waited until we had what we needed to hand in straight away. In our case it was a full copy of his EHCP and a letter from Explore Learning just further stating why they believed he required a smaller room and extra time. They awarded him 25% extra time (whether he got it or not we do not know) and a room with just the other children who needed extra time. This actually meant that they were probably the children most likely to cause a disturbance though to be fair, and there was a boy upset and kept messing with his zip.

Child sleeping

The Run up to the Eleven Plus

We paid for him to sit one mock exam to give him a feel of what the eleven plus exam would be like. We only did one because it would be different from him – as the mocks have more children and wouldn’t give the extra time, or know about his needs. The emphasis about the eleven plus was mainly focused on the special day. Tests he really fluctuated between getting 25% on tests to getting high eighties! It really has been an emotional roller coaster.

The one thing we have focused on is how proud we are that he has wanted to give it a go – an important lesson for life. Plus it has meant that he has worked towards something in a group (he went to sessions at Explore Learning), it means he has had taken exams, and learned to be under exam conditions.

The Day of the Eleven Plus

I was a bit confused because the drop off and pick up times were the same as all the other children – meaning he either didn’t have his extra time or they had cut short his break. If really needs be I guess this could be grounds for appeal. I doubt very much we will be appealing.

Happy boy with parents at Chiquotos

He went in happy and he came out happy – and that’s all that really matters. Children were allocated colours and his colour was clearly an indicator of his needs and at drop off and pick up the fact that he was this colour seem to be of high importance, so I felt that he had been well looked after. He felt it went well, but then say he answered things in the wrong section. He was so proud of himself saying, “see I told you I could do it!”

Then we had his special day. He had been awake since 4am on the morning of the test and I am surprised that he managed to stay awake until 2am the following day when the decision was made for him to go to bed. We are quite strict on bedtimes and so this was very late indeed for him to stay up as a treat. We had bought him the LEGO he had asked for because he wanted to build it with me and took him out for dinner and desert the places he wanted to go. Plus he generally just played computer games outside of the hours we normally allow.

Minecraft LEGO characters

The Eleven Plus Results

We now have just under a month to wait for the results but I have heard of another school that sounds much more suitable for him, in my opinion. I am going to see if we can look around and convince him that the grammar school he wants to go isn’t his only choice. The wait for the results is less than 4 weeks too – so we shall see.

happy boy with father Christmas and helpers

Home Education and The Sensory Seeker

The Sensory Seeker has been home educated for exactly 7 months today and what a journey. I was, and guess still am, shocked but how little he wants to learn. He seemed so keen and eager at school and was making good progress. I thought when he would stay at home he would be really keen just to learn and have the option to work independently (as that is what his current EHCP says he likes best). I was wrong, he had no desire to learn – to do basic maths, read or well anything. So why I am so convinced that home educating him was the best idea?

Is Home Education the Best Option for The Sensory Seeker?

Well I guess the real icing on the cake was our last parent’s meeting with Explore Learning. We have regular progress reports of how the sensory seeker is doing in terms of the curriculum, showing his individual progress throughout the year he is working at. This is great because if you just look at where he “should be” for his age you can get bogged down in him being “behind” rather than the fact that he’s progressing really well. But he is still behind and we do very little “formal” work so of course (being in the educational system for so long myself) I worry whether I am doing the right thing for him. I asked the question – should I be doing more with him. What I got back was a resounding no! To just keep doing what I am doing!
happy boy with father Christmas and helpersOMG I just cried there and then. My husband really didn’t get it but honestly this last 7 months has made me realise that actually our son is a very vulnerable member of society and I have just been wanting others to make sure he’s ok – but they just do not have the time, resources, and quite frankly the love for him that I have. He was so low in confidence previously that he didn’t feel that he could do anything and now, slowly but surely, it’s growing. He is wanting to do things – enjoying reading, wanting to learn about space – and generally having more of a can-do attitude. This is not only in a group and one-to-one but this elusive independently too.

Is what you are told at School the Truth?

I am finding my love for school becoming less and less to be honest. I am not suggesting that school’s lie but are they really able to focus on your child to let you know exactly what is going on for them? Are they really going to say that they were getting to the end of their tether because they really needed your child to do x, y or z and they were just having none of it?! That they are alone at playtime or that the other children use them when they have no-one else to play with? The Sensory Seeker is struggling a bit lately (it is the build up to Christmas) and he is spinning more, jumping and TALKING A LOT!

alone at playtimeHe has even said he cannot help but keep talking. When he isn’t talking, or making other sounds with his mouth, he is tapping something – just to have some sort of noise. I wonder how that would be panning out if he were at school; would he HAVE to be quiet, or would it just have to all spill out when he gets home? Is that really the best way for him to learn?

What now for The Sensory Seeker’s Education

I have received a letter about The Sensory Seeker’s Secondary Transfer and I really am not sure what I want to do. Currently I see no suitable school for him (well where we can afford at least) where I believe they will nurture him in a way he needs and deserves.  There’s always been so much emphasis on the academic (and I DO struggle to get him to understand when he doesn’t get it) that I never really stopped to truly think about what’s important. I have already talked about this a couple of months ago but really is hard to get my head around. His older brother is going back to school next September and this will create a whole new dynamic.boy leant over drawing

alone at playtime

Home Education – Re-evaluating wants for the future

When our youngest son was starting school with SEN I worried whether he would eat, go to the toilet and make friends. These were my main concerns, this is what I thought initially was important. Overall I was worried about what I could do to make sure my son was just like everyone else. I made sure that before our son started school he had a statement of special educational needs (which changed to an EHCP). This was to make sure he would get the most amount of help to be like his peers and be liked by his peers. But here’s the thing, after one term of home education I have realised that is not what I want anymore.Sensory Processing Disorder and Mainstream School

I feel I was so fixated with the short term that I never stopped to consider the future. What do I really want for my child with additional needs in the long term? Initially I worried that he didn’t quite get things like other children; for instance what happened if he stripped off his clothes and tried to walk around school half naked?! Or what if someone laughed at him for having a toileting accident? What if they laughed at him and called him names? No what I considered was important is that there was help to make sure he didn’t do these things, that he blended in with everyone else. But now I see things much more clearly. Now I want him to be confident and happy with who he is. To learn to ignore those who are mean to him for not being a carbon copy of themselves, and to seek out those who are tolerant and have acceptance. Those who want to learn about his difficulties and support him, but not want to change him. That they will see beyond his additional needs and see the kindness in his heart. To find friends, real friends, who don’t just want to know him when there’s no-one else around.

alone at playtimeHome Education has been such a blessing for The Sensory Seeker – with five birthday party invites in his first term! As for food, previously I was worrying about whether he would eat, but now I want him to be able to think about being able to source what he wants: For example, I love how he is gaining in confidence learning to peel vegetables, which will be a great skill for the rest of his life. I have already written about how being home educated really taps into his sensory needs – doing what he wants when he needs it. But never before had I truly stopped and thought about what he really needs. Honestly it isn’t to be able to catch up with his peers – who cares if he can pass his SATs or not? It doesn’t really matter. What matters is that he can learn to live a happy life! Take care of himself and not let others drag him down. Being home educated is doing his confidence so much good. No longer being compared to others and judged – just trying his best; finding out what he is good at. Then practising both what he is and isn’t good at to improve, but knowing that his effort is what is enough, what is important.

 

Have you pulled a child with Special Educational Needs out of the education system? Has it made you change the way you feel about everything?

 

 

boy swinging on monkey bars

Home Education and Sensory Processing Disorder

Yesterday was the day that we started our first proper day of home educating The Sensory Seeker. I have been considering home education for a good half a year for his older sibling but the more I thought about school the more I was not happy how it was affecting The Sensory Seeker. They continued to not only ignore but tell me that his sensory needs did not exist.boy swinging on monkey bars

Yesterday after the boys having an early start to learning (honestly they didn’t even want to put the television on they just wanted to start with education!) we went to the school and handed in the deregistration letter. This was also an opportunity to let friends who did not already know know and say goodbye (they will be keeping in touch with those they want of course).

What I learnt on my first day of Home Education with our son who has Sensory Processing Disorder

I was shocked as I guess somehow the school had convinced me that The Sensory Seeker had progressed so well that his senses were not getting in the way of his education. I am not sure if it is because I had more time to pick up on them or that it really is due to the different environment but I immediately saw how beneficial home education is going to be for him in terms of managing his sensory diet.

  1. The most notable thing is definitely that The Sensory Seeker has different times when he is receptive to learning. On certain occasions throughout the day I knew that there was just no point because he was not in the right frame of mind. What would they do in this instance at school? Punish him? I just let him play/cuddle etc on contrast at other times he was really raring to focus and wanted to learn – and this also did not fit in the 9-3 school day.
  2. Leading on from this there were definite times when he needed a hug or back/hair rubs. It helps calm him when being anxious or upset, or sometimes overwhelmed. It is all a new routine which he will find more difficult at first as change is hard for him. Home education I think will be better in this sense because there won’t be changes of going back to school and then holidays all the time.
  3. The Sensory Seeker sometimes required something to fiddle with. I have to admit whilst reading him a story it was distracting for me as he flicked a toy dressing up tiara and did feel as if he was not listening. But I know he was and it was actually helping him to concentrate. In fact he even started to read the story himself without being promoted (also showing that he was listening as he knew where we were). At school when I have talked about things to fiddle with or chew it has been all about him fitting in socially so not looking different to others (when they have even agreed with me that he may need this).reading harry potter as part of home education
  4. The Sensory Seeker can move when he needs. This means he can get the proprioception and vestibular input he requires. We are lucky enough to have a large trampoline in the back garden as well as living locally to a park. We also wish him to learn how to ride a bicycle and he has taken to this really well over the holidays so this is a great way to break up any more formal learning when he requires it. This also includes going to the toilet without missing any play time (I hated that and am sure that is what led to him not drinking all day whilst at school!!)
  5. I think this goes for any home educated child but following The Sensory Seeker’s interests really help with his more limited focus, concentration and attention.
  6. He can wear what he feels comfortable in (or not wear as the case may be). Although he has been conditioned to the fact that you tuck your t-shirt in (which looks silly at times) because that was the “rule” at school.
  7. No need to just be quiet. If the Sensory Seeker needs to make noise or express himself he can – he is not stifled about it being the right time/place/content (if he wants to talk about his special interest then he can!). In contrast there is quiet time for learning without all the noise from everyone else.

mother and 2 sons using snapchat

This was my experience after just one day – most of which was seen as play time. The Sensory Seeker already seemed so much happier and definitely closer to me (in one day!). He also made a friend! I would love to know of your experiences of home educating a child or children with Sensory Processing Disorder.

boy reading to cure sensory processing

We are all on the Sensory Spectrum: The My Plan Review

If you are looking for a perfectly well formed blog post about a My Plan review then you’ve come to the wrong place as I am fuming, and writing this from a VERY emotional place. You see the thing is this is not the first child I have had to fight for and well I got subdued into a false sense of security as his last school was really good – this one is rubbish and so is the SENCO.

boy reading to cure sensory processing
Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

So why I am I so annoyed about the My Plan meeting that myself and my child got invited to – well there really was no point us being there – apart from to talk at us and tell us we are wrong. The Sensory Seeker’s My Plan for this term targets three areas of what he should be achieving for his year group (whether he still needs to be able to accomplish things from previous years is neither here nor there and there was even a comment about worrying about SATs in Year 6!!!). Anyway back to these 3 targets: They all overlap into basically the same thing – reading and understanding, being able to communicate in a way that’s understood and being able to write in a way that’s understood. Each one with a target date that has passed!!!

I was told that the reason for the new deadline (which it wasn’t clear when that was) is because that is what the class are working on currently – so it made sense to move it. I asked what help The Sensory Seeker was getting to reach these goals: Of course the answer is NOTHING. Of course I wasn’t fed that information but instead was told how the whole class are being taught – how it is being explained, modelled, blah, blah, blah; but not a single thing as to how my son, who clearly isn’t getting it, is being helped further. On looking at the sheet it says an adult at home (and at school) will read and ask questions about the reading; that an adult will correct him when he doesn’t speak grammatically correct and that he will say a sentence before writing it out. The latter of which already becomes apparent is a problem as he misses words out when talking (hence the target before about communication).alone at playtime

Then it happens. The incident where The Sensory Seeker missed lunch time play to finish work (because the rest of the class had) is brought up. The TA is proudly showing how much better he did than in the class. So I take breath and DARE to mention again my concerns that his SENSORY PROCESSING DISORDER is being IGNORED!!!!! I do it in a polite way and suggest that there’s a possibility that the classroom was different when everyone is out playing than when full of children. I suggest it may be noisy, more visually distracting – I don’t know I am not there and I am not the SENCO. Of course the first thing that is mentioned is that it ISN’T noisy – even when The Sensory Seeker tells them that it is! And THEN they tell me that ALL kids are distracted! All they did do was joke to my son about wearing headphones (which would have been a good call if they weren’t laughing when they said it, besides WE have tried them and they do not adjust the sound right for him). How I did not just get up and walk out I do not know. If my son hadn’t have been there I may have done. In fact now I wish I had grabbed my son and said this is a waste of time and I am taking him out!!!

So there we have it all my son’s problems will be solved if he just reads more! These Sensory Issues I am just making an issue of because we ALL HAVE THEM! Our other son is on a school trip until the end of half term, I may see if I have calmed down any more by then as to what I wish to do next.

Is it down to Parents to Make sure their Children get a Fair Education?

Honestly whose responsibility is it for making sure that every child receives a fair education? As it seems to me that the quality of education falls down to the parents. Of course this could be a whole topic of private vs public and grammar schools but I am in this instance talking about the rights of the child with additional needs.school child with unseen disabilityFrom the off there seems to be a divide for children between parents who recognise and fight for their children’s educational rights (and get them an EHCP) and those who do not know what they are doing, or are less willing or capable to fight. Shouldn’t training be provided to ensure that early identification is made for all children who need to access the additional help? Too many hoops have to be jumped through to prove it isn’t just bad parenting before actually getting anywhere when you are prepared to fight – so no wonder people give in – is it fair on those other children? Children who may eventually be caught by the system – but how late and at what cost to their education? But even after identification the battle does not end there. With meetings and appointments which usually relies on the parent educating those being paid to help on their child’s condition. Having to read up every piece of information they can and fight to have the right support in place.alone at playtime

Maybe this doesn’t happen as often as I think – perhaps we are the unlucky ones. Personally I feel The Sensory Seeker is very lucky in that I am able to best support him – but what about children who don’t have that? My renewed annoyance comes from the annual EHCP review.

From the off I felt patronised as the SENCO kindly explained how it was the first EHCP annual review (because let’s be honest it was SO different from a statement review right?). Then I had to go through and correct any errors – you know like making sure they had identified the right child which includes the right date of birth! Okay I am being harsh now that was such a little slip right. But then we came to the part about the family’s views – the work I had put in before the meeting – and the SENCO had no idea what I meant when describing the sensory needs. In fact she was quite sure that he didn’t have any!!!! Deciding that I would just deal with his meltdowns at home as he apparently was coping in school I almost just let her remove them from the EHCP – I mean what would I know about Sensory Processing Disorder compared to the trained SENCO? But as luck would have it his class teacher popped in and agreed that yes he did have sensory needs and straight away was able to give an example (you can read more about that meeting in the post about them not wanting him to be different).he is disabled

I was advised that the SENCO would send me a draft copy to approve before she sent it off. But that never materialised. What did come was a letter saying that it had been received and that my draft copy would arrive shortly. Of course that arrived giving me 15 days from when the letter was written and not received to make any changes. IN THE SUMMER HOLIDAYS! I kid you not – I have no-one to go to for advice, I am pretty sure the SENCO is not in school and I have 4 children (3 of whom have additional needs) at home with changes they don’t adjust to and now I need time for this! But surely you think I just need to read it through and agree with it – because I already sat through the meeting and discussed and agreed things – right? Wrong big fat wrong. There are so many unbelievable errors in this draft it is untrue. Including matters such as who his key worker is and even what school he goes to! Never mind moving on through the report. Somehow I am going to have to find some time to go through it all. And then what – do they just accept my corrections? Doesn’t the SENCO actually have to do that? Or does she get a draft copy of my amendments and have to approve them – meaning that it isn’t actually all sorted for September? I am sure in The Sensory Seeker’s case it doesn’t matter as he already has one but what about those children sorting out one for the first time?

I know I may come across as angry at the SENCO but I am not. She is a lovely lady and am sure she is trying her best. It is the system that is letting these children down and parents who are already under a lot of pressure are just further feeling the strain.

special needs and the eleven plus

Special Needs and the Eleven Plus

The eleven plus and special educational needs can be a bit of a minefield. With our oldest he should have got into a certain school but on the day did not do as well on the eleven plus tests as we expected for his capabilities. He had no provisions made for his Asperger’s Syndrome (I have since heard of others having a separate room and longer time), not even to become more familiar with the building. But he was always a very able child and “grammar school material”  and we knew that the eleven plus would put no added pressure on him. But the time is getting closer that The Sensory Seeker needs to think about high school and he assumes that he will take the eleven plus following in the footsteps of (what will be) all three of his older brothers. The trouble is he has a Global Developmental Delay and his Sensory Processing Disorder also makes it harder to learn new things. So the question is what to do?special needs and the eleven plusAnnie Spratt

Do we let our son with Special Needs take the Eleven Plus?

Do we let The Sensory Seeker sit the eleven plus tests, in an environment that is most likely going to be difficult for him, so that we have given him the chance and opportunity just like all our other sons? Or do we make the decision that the test/school would not be suitable for him. Which will knock his confidence more – trying and not succeeding, or not been given a chance in the first place? I mean he is a bright lad and he may even surprise us! He has a few years to go yet and may even close the gap and catch up with his peers. He works so hard. Or when the time gets closer he may just be happy to move up to the local comprehensive school – which he is familiar with because of after school activities and will know lots of people there/going up. Oh how it would be wonderful if they never had to grow up!alone at playtime

Of course I have been suggested another option of paying for him to be tutored (which I haven’t done with any of my other sons), but then I really would be worried that the work would be too hard once he passed the eleven plus entrance exam. That then he’d end up switching schools anyway and then find it even harder to settle as the new boy. Other people have suggested this would be just filling the gaps in his knowledge where the education system has failed him.

Has anyone else been through anything similar? Any thoughts please?

inclusion means not being different

Inclusion means not being Different

Inclusion what do schools think that means? I recently went to The Sensory Seeker’s annual review of his EHCP to find out that his school means that they don’t want him to be different. I guess it is a feeling of once again coming back to rubbish parenting really, as it sounded like that the only thing causing any problems is him being treated in a way not like the others! They said that even with a one-to-one teacher he hasn’t made “extra” progress (just in-line with his peers) and that actually he needs to be encouraged to be more “independent.”inclusion means not being different

They did not seem to even understand Sensory Processing Disorder (which unfortunately is not a diagnosed condition in the UK) so it is no wonder that they don’t “get” that his one-to-one helps The Sensory Seeker deal with sensory input that may distract him and need his focus brought back. In fact the SENCO and his teaching assistant didn’t seem to think he had ANY sensory needs at school – which I found really surprising. They were thinking about just taking that section out of his EHCP all together. I thought that there was no point in arguing with them after I tried to explain some of his difficulties, because they just said it did not happen. Or well, that time he was hugging someone else all the time was okay because that person wanted him to do it. Of course the good old social stories came up – as obviously if he understood that he couldn’t just go around touching people then that tactile need will just disappear!sensory processing disorder

His EHCP actually has good guidance in it about his Sensory Issues from the Occupational Therapist, but because they discharged us they no longer come to the meetings. I can’t even really get her involved whilst the school are saying there aren’t any issues either! Luckily his class teacher was able to quickly pop in to the meeting at the time we were just about to move on to the next bit of the EHCP. She was then asked about The Sensory Seeker’s sensory issues (in a tone that he did not have any). But, thankfully, straight away she said that yes he clearly did and came up with an example straight away. In fact, ironically, it was to do with their sensory time where a few children go off to practice writing. She said that music was played to help them feel calm – but actually it stopped The Sensory Seeker from concentrating. That he was able to let her know it was a problem. The SENCO again was immediately in the frame of mind of not wanting him to be “different” so asked what the teacher did to resolve it. The teacher explained that they just turned the music off! That they didn’t *need* it. It is a shame that next year not only isn’t she his class teacher but she is leaving to go on to another school.party planning sensory processing disorder

We will have to see how things go in year 4 because I am concerned that they are just knocking his confidence by ignoring his sensory needs and treating him no differently – such as setting him the same homework as the others for example. And then when it is not complete (because he has struggled with it so much, or not in the right sensory frame when he has come home) he is then punished (like the other children) by missing break times. I fear that this will then further impact his social skills and relations with his peers -especially as he becomes more aware of things such as being the only child not invited to parties. They have also mixed up the children in his year group and this change has already upset him. Unfortunately he was sick and missed move up day too – so we shall have to see how it goes. It isn’t all bad however, and I am not blaming the school it is because the knowledge just isn’t there. Things I mentioned (such as his inability to use a dictionary as he does not know the alphabet) they tried to help straight away. He seems to have a good relationship with his TA and in our opinion has helped him come on leaps and bounds.

party sensory processing disorder

The Only Child Not Invited

It is that time of year again – Party Season. I know it is hard when a child is different to others to cope with their additional needs at a party – but honestly The Sensory Seeker is doing so well that I would actually say he isn’t much different to the others. I do understand that not everyone needs to be invited to every party but it is hard (probably more for me than him) when he is that child: You know the only child out of the whole class who hasn’t been invited.party sensory processing disorder

It isn’t even so much about the party it’s about him knowing he’s not fitting in. That it is okay for everyone else to go so why not him as well? The ironic thing today was that he came out with a sheet about worries – the school obviously trying to get disclosures for social services with the use of a Worry Monster. Ironic because they weren’t very sympathetic to listening to these worries; simply saying there’s nothing we can do. I explained that I knew they couldn’t make him be invited to the party (although I am sure his EHC Plan probably does make provision to ensure that he socialises/fits in with his peers) and that I didn’t like how it was so apparent to him that he was the only one not invited (erm like they had all been handed out in front of him). I was reassured that they had only been given out at break time. It is real progress that he is getting so smart. Previously he never noticed this happening but still wanted a party to invite everyone to. A blessing and a curse of his development.

His birthday is coming up and we are taking him out of the country but he wants to have a sleepover a different day this year. He doesn’t really care who it is (well actually his first preference is his 14 year old cousin who doesn’t live near us!) he just wants a friend – someone who wants to spend time with him. But again the school will tell me that he does have friends, that he is a happy and likable member of the class – so how come he doesn’t feel that he is/has because he isn’t invited?alone at playtime

Disclaimer: He is invited to the odd party and I am very thankful to those parents. I just wish this wasn’t even a thing. Why invite all but one?!