parents Archives - The Sensory Seeker

When it comes to older children parents can help them learn to manage their own sensory needs. The most important thing to realise, is that it is the children themselves who know best. They are the ones experiencing things and can tell what works and what doesn’t.

Here are some suggestions for parents helping their older children to learn to manage their own sensory needs. Special thanks to some local parents for their help some neurodivergent themselves.

How Parents Can Help Older Children

First parents need to accept that their child is making those choices because they need to, rather than the fact they are trying to get out of something. But, on the other hand not all of them really will be to do with the sensory needs, but that they are becoming more autonomous, just like their peers.

As they mature it could be that the child can hold a full and frank conversation on the issue, and less likely that parents will need to rely on making conclusions based on their behaviour alone.

Parents should let children express their views and respect their decisions. Parents should listen to what they are told – believing it and acting accordingly. Parents should assume competence in their child, including when judging when the child can or cannot handle something, and what supports that young person needs in place.

Give Older Children More Choices

Parents/carers have to show them that they have choices; which will also help them to feel in control of their decisions. This will also hopefully promote independence. Allowing self-management where possible. However, try not to limit the choices, giving as many as possible.

Allow them to select things when shopping for clothes, or deciding what to wear (I know how I like to wear the same clothes – for me it is the feel and the practicality); by having lots of breakfast options available for them to select from; and so on. See Sensory Processing Issues with Clothing.

sensory processing issues with clothes — Photo by Senjuti Kundu on Unsplash

Alter Your Boundaries Accordingly

Question why we want things a certain way. Is it really important (eg their teeth will become bad, risk of skin cancer for not wearing sun cream) or is it something we would like them to do? Personally I get hot super easily and people always want me to wear more clothes when they feel it is colder – how many parents feel that their child NEEDS a coat in winter, when they’re honestly not cold!

This may mean altering your own boundaries of what you feel is acceptable. In the breakfast example our son will eat plain pancakes but cannot make them himself. He has recently started learning to cook himself toast but will only eat it smeared in jam. As parents we do not feel that jam every day is good for his health, but actually his independence is more important. We keep having discussions about why we do not feel jam every day is good and suggest alternatives but ultimately it is him who needs to decide to change this.

lots of jam on toast - helping older children be independent

Give Older Children Explanations

This will involve having plenty of discussions about things. This will also help them to consider and extend their understanding of their own needs.

Like it is no good just telling them that they have to brush their teeth but what could happen as a consequence if they chose not to do so. That the choice is actually theirs. Get them to consider what it is about brushing their teeth that makes them not want to do it. Help them think about the choices they have in regards to when, where and how they brush (what type of brush and paste) their teeth.

Help them to Understand their Sensory Needs

It may be that the child does not understand and needs more support. Sometimes the child will have put in their own strategies but without even realising it. Parents could talk to their child and help them better understand what tools and strategies they are using. For example, I know that The Sensory Seeker calms down when he gets into his Art or Music.

This may include acting out scenarios – even things that have happened before or what may happen so that they know what to do in that situation. Help them devise a sensory diet and incorporate feedback into daily activities.

Vulnerability

The chronological age may not match development, so make sure that everything is appropriate for where they are at. Develop the language around sensory awareness and model it. Also be aware that some of the ways they may self soothe may need monitoring too – especially for things like online gaming.

I hope this has been useful; is there anything else you can think of please?

Advice on Periods

This question is one I am answering as part of the FREE Virtual Sensory Integration Education Annual Conference November 2022

Honestly whose responsibility is it for making sure that every child receives a fair education? As it seems to me that the quality of education falls down to the parents. Of course this could be a whole topic of private vs public and grammar schools but I am in this instance talking about the rights of the child with additional needs.

From the off there seems to be a divide for children between parents who recognise and fight for their children’s educational rights (and get them an EHCP) and those who do not know what they are doing, or are less willing or capable to fight.

Shouldn’t training be provided to ensure that early identification is made for all children who need to access the additional help? Too many hoops have to be jumped through to prove it isn’t just bad parenting before actually getting anywhere when you are prepared to fight – so no wonder people give in – is it fair on those other children?

Children who may eventually be caught by the system – but how late and at what cost to their education? But even after identification the battle does not end there. With meetings and appointments which usually relies on the parent educating those being paid to help on their child’s condition. Having to read up every piece of information they can and fight to have the right support in place.

Maybe this doesn’t happen as often as I think – perhaps we are the unlucky ones. Personally I feel The Sensory Seeker is very lucky in that I am able to best support him – but what about children who don’t have that? My renewed annoyance comes from the annual EHCP review.

From the off I felt patronised as the SENCO kindly explained how it was the first EHCP annual review (because let’s be honest it was SO different from a statement review right?). Then I had to go through and correct any errors – you know like making sure they had identified the right child which includes the right date of birth!

Okay I am being harsh now that was such a little slip right. But then we came to the part about the family’s views – the work I had put in before the meeting – and the SENCO had no idea what I meant when describing the sensory needs. In fact she was quite sure that he didn’t have any!!!!

Deciding that I would just deal with his meltdowns at home as he apparently was coping in school I almost just let her remove them from the EHCP – I mean what would I know about Sensory Processing Disorder compared to the trained SENCO?

But as luck would have it his class teacher popped in and agreed that yes he did have sensory needs and straight away was able to give an example (you can read more about that meeting in the post about them not wanting him to be different).

I was advised that the SENCO would send me a draft copy to approve before she sent it off. But that never materialised. What did come was a letter saying that it had been received and that my draft copy would arrive shortly.

Of course that arrived giving me 15 days from when the letter was written and not received to make any changes. IN THE SUMMER HOLIDAYS! I kid you not – I have no-one to go to for advice, I am pretty sure the SENCO is not in school and I have 4 children (3 of whom have additional needs) at home with changes they don’t adjust to and now I need time for this!

But surely you think I just need to read it through and agree with it – because I already sat through the meeting and discussed and agreed things – right? Wrong big fat wrong. There are so many unbelievable errors in this draft it is untrue. Including matters such as who his key worker is and even what school he goes to!

Never mind moving on through the report. Somehow I am going to have to find some time to go through it all. And then what – do they just accept my corrections? Doesn’t the SENCO actually have to do that? Or does she get a draft copy of my amendments and have to approve them – meaning that it isn’t actually all sorted for September? I am sure in The Sensory Seeker’s case it doesn’t matter as he already has one but what about those children sorting out one for the first time?

I know I may come across as angry at the SENCO but I am not. She is a lovely lady and am sure she is trying her best. It is the system that is letting these children down and parents who are already under a lot of pressure are just further feeling the strain.