Could I have Missed Signs that my Son has Autism

Frogs and Snails and Puppy dog’s Tails

Could I have Missed Signs that my Son has Autism?

There’s a question I want to ask, that I need to find out the answer – but not sure I can. I don’t know whether it will do more harm than good. See thing is I believe there’s a strong possibility that my child have Autism. Sadly the only reason I opened my eyes to notice is when his behaviour suddenly went out of control. No one had mentioned Autism with this particular son before this point (he is almost a teenager) and now those mentions of it feel like they are being swept under the carpet: I was then told that “everyone has Autism in some shape or form!”

Frogs and Snails and Puppy dog’s Tails

Looking back now though it falls into place, and I can’t believe that I was too wrapped up in my other children’s additional needs that I could have missed the signs. When did he start fiddling? Making sounds? Clicking his fingers?  Did he always not like changes of routine? Not being prepared? Has he always been awkward because things have been irritating him (clothes/heat/smells etc)? Is he not actually being rude but doesn’t know how to handle his emotions/know what to say? He never really did have a group of friends – well not until he got in with the wrong crowd and started behaving inappropriately. I always felt he was just trying to get attention (his oldest and youngest siblings having special needs). I feel awful that sometimes I just thought he was being “just a boy” and misbehaving: Like spoiling surprises, saying the wrong thing.Could I have Missed Signs that my Son has Autism

But now I have opened my heart to compassion and am trying to stop and listen to what his behaviour has being showing me.  I feel unbelievably guilty and now feel I can’t do anything about it – as the blame for his behaviour has heavily been pointed at me. We are not talking other parents in the playground, or some health visitor suggesting I need a parenting course. No. This blame has come from my own child. A statement he made that I can only assume was to keep him out of trouble. Words said that almost destroyed me, and took all my children from me. Questioned as to whether The Sensory Seeker is actually only that way due to the environment that I have brought him up in (thank goodness I had someone to leap to my defence and say it is not!).

Where do I go from here? With the finger of suspicion firmly still pointing in my direction? The more I try to justify my son’s behaviour in terms of Autism the more I feel that I am just trying to excuse my rubbish parenting – why I have a child who has not been behaving as they should. I am still waiting to go on the parenting course – holding on to the hope that it is me after all, because wouldn’t that be easier.

I take a risk with this post, I know I do. He might see it. They might see it. But I can’t cope with all of this on my own any more. I guess this post isn’t even helpful because I haven’t even put down my concerns. But I suppose it is a question of whether we just carry on or whether I should push to find out one way or the other. I suppose the other thing is whether I am really convinced that I may have Asperger’s or not – because again that would certainly back up how easy it is to miss the signs, but then I am a girl.

 

6 thoughts on “Frogs and Snails and Puppy dog’s Tails

  1. Oh Joy, I think you should follow your heart and your instincts. I don’t have any experience of Autism or Asperger’s but a diagnosis or not, whatever the case may be can only help and stop you wondering?

    Lots of love xx

  2. Joy you haven’t missed it. It has just became more apparent. That’s the thing with autism . Don’t beat yourself up, your a great parent. Go to your doctor with your concerns. Hope you all get the support you need xxxx

  3. I think requesting your own assessment first could put your mind at rest one way or another – as you say, a diagnosis won’t change you but it can help you feel like you belong, and it can help explain things that have happened and possibly help you let go of some of that guilt. As Mums, we all feel guilty lots of the time but when it starts to take over all your feelings, that’s when you need to go and ask for more help. You can’t blame yourself for everything that has gone on though, and you should know that you are a good mum, you have done the best you can at any of those given previous times. Hope you find some good local support soon xx

    1. Thank you – I do have an appointment but the earliest was the start of next month. I may mention it then – but currently everyone tells me not to until it is all over as it could be something that is used against me 🙁

  4. First of all Joy, it’s only natural for us mother’s to feel guilty. I often feel guilty because I knew my son was different but I completely denied my feeling until it became obvious that he wasn’t coping at all and needed the professional help I’d denied him. Then while I worked through my guilt and focused on helping him, my daughter ended up suffering something completely different which again I tried to ignore. They are both adults now and still at home and still suffering. My son doesn’t leave the house unless someone is with him, and although I try to get him out he often won’t go and ends up being confined for weeks and weeks. Is that my fault? Then my daughter has to take a whole pack load of drugs just to get through the day and her moods are so bad we all feel that little tremble when we know she’s getting up in the morning (or afternoon) Is that my fault? Guilt doesn’t help anyone in the end though so it’s not worth it. What you do know is most important. Do you think your son needs extra help? Maybe he will carry on with life without needing a diagnosis or intervention, a lot of people with autism manage just fine. This is a huge decision for you, maybe you don’t have to make it on your own, you need someone close to you to help you. Just remember, it’s not your fault, it’s not bad parenting it’s a faulty wiring system. Many people with autism have got with their lives just fine without even knowing. I hope you find the answers soon, but please let go of that guilt. xxx

    1. Oh I am so sorry to hear that. And guess that makes me feel so like an attention seeker, because the things that are happening here are so minor really. On reading that I can see even more that my son would prob be just best just being him and not labelled as I am sure he will cope. I am just so worried about these last few events and that they could happen again if I don’t get him help. But that just might be more my issue rather than his. I guess I have to risk just talking to the doctor about how I feel and see where she thinks we should go from there. Thank you.

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